Oh man, your life is MESSED UP right now.

Not that anyone asked us. But they can officially start.

Send Jilly your questions by filling out the form at the bottom of this post or right here, and she’ll send you a piece of her mind.

Because during those troubled times, it’s always important to ask yourself: What WOULD Jilly do?

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The other night, my friend had a party. It wasn’t particularly wild, but everyone was definitely drinking. At one point in the evening, I got a little animated, and knocked over a vase on one of the shelves behind me. It didn’t shatter, but when I set it back up, I noticed a big ol’ crack along the entire length. Oops. I know I should have said something right then, but I freaked out and didn’t say anything. Fast forward to this morning, when the friend tells me she’s going to insist her roommate pay her to replace the vase, because she thinks it’s his cat that messed it up, and, if we’re being honest, she hates the cat and is happy to pin it on him. Do I tell her it was me? I’m afraid if I tell her now, after all this time, she’ll be legit angry.

-Hand Talker Biting Her Tongue

You’re right. About a lot of things actually.

You should have told her right away

(after all, when something happens at a party, she can’t even act mad),

she very well could be legit angry (because you not only fucked up her things, you lied by omission about it … twice), and she’s almost certainly looking for the excuse to start things with her roommate, which isn’t exactly your problem, but given the usual rent cycle in Massachusetts, if you plan on staying friends with this person, it could become the problem you hear about every … fricking … day.

You already know that the right thing to do is to tell her.

So do it, as soon as humanly possible.

While you’re at it, mention that you’re embarrassed that you didn’t speak up earlier, but you had one of those moments of drunken illogic, when saying nothing seemed like the right choice (or, if you want to take the pussy way out, tell her you didn’t remember doing it, but that the friend you were gesturing at reminded you when you told her about the vase; that way, you’re only taking the blame for being a total lush, as opposed to a regular lush with a lying problem).

Then offer to pay for the vase.

Chances are she’ll tell you it’s no big deal (and thank your lucky stars that she seems more set on the monetary value of this item than the sentimental one; if you knocked over something in my house, I’d be MUCH more bummed than a few twenties could fix). After all, it seems like she’s using this as a way to give physical, dollar-shaped form to her issues with her feline roommate.

But if she asks for a check, write it with good grace.

If she’s already chewed out the roommate, pay back whomever is out the money and apologize to him, too.

After that, your best move is to just move on. It’s possible your friend could hold a grudge (more about the lying than the vase, unless she’s unreasonably object-oriented), but an offer of a drink—on you, somewhere that you can’t destroy her things—should smooth it over. After that, any bad blood is on her, and not something you should worry about.

Instead, worry about knowing your wingspan.

I have a friend who’s always had a thing for me. I’ve never let anything happen, and I think over several years of friendship, it’s clear that I’m not interested in that way. He just asked me to go on vacation with him for a week in January, and offered to pay for the whole thing. I’m not sure if anyone else is going (when I’ve asked he’s said that he’s put out feelers, but no one has confirmed), or how expensive the trip would be (whenever I ask, he insists that if I go, it’s on him; he makes a good chunk more than I do). If I say yes, will he expect something? I’d love to go on the vacation, but I don’t want to confuse things between us.

- The Girl That Wants A Getaway

Short answer: yes, it will confuse things, and he might expect something.

And let me state for the record that I think that’s crappy. Guys have been using the old “do you know how expensive that dinner was?” excuse for years, now, and it’s always just been a manipulative way for sleazebags to try to coerce sex with money.

Which is really just hiring a prostitute, but hey, who’s counting.

That said, paying for a vacation smacks of “romantic getaway,” and the fact that you can’t pin him down on details only makes that seem likelier. If you’ve been friends for years, you probably know that he’s a nice guy, and wouldn’t try to force anything on you.

But you also know that saying yes to the guy you care about, who wants you to care more, might send a message you don’t want to send, and which could REALLY hurt him.

So go, but absolutely insist on paying your way, and ask if you can extend the invitation to other mutual friends. If those conditions can’t be met, you should forgo the vacation (and keep the friendship).